Dive-Computers.net

(this will be long, but I seriously need advice…) so im 19 almost 20. i’ve had the same B/F for more than four 1/2 yrs…since 9th grade! he IS the nicest guy. respectful. hardworking. handy. caring. he has all of his sh*t together… going to be a fire fighter, and going through all the training…has a job. drug free. hes a guy who will ALWAYS get up and help someone. dishes, doors, groceries, yardwork…if he sees someone working, hes not just gonna sit and watch. hes also good looking. he never makes me sweat by going out or talking to any other ladies…so heres the problem…i dont love him, and i havent for …for ever. ive tried to break up MANY time…but some how he sucks me back in…EVEN when i cheated on him before and i tried to break up! I used to have a ton of friends. I used to go drink. i used to party. Now i do nothing. yes some are gonna say you dont need to drink or go out…but yes…normal young adults DO! No friends…because they party or smoke…and its not like he tells me to not go hang w/ them…its like hes somehow made me Feel that its soo terrible too that I FEEL I DONT want to either…i have no life…its like the time we were together…my life has been paused. im waiting to live…but i just say itll get better. Yes i know when we break up my life will feel like its over. Im isolated. no friends. and hardly any family. no job. school yes but no goal or idea what i want to do. like my life was on pause and i havent grown much…im pretty sure im also socially retarted. another thing is he doesnt kiss me. we have great sex…and try many things…but hardly any kissing…and he finally told me im not a good kisser! 4 yrs and he doesnt like my kiss. (hes a very nice guy though keep in mind with a great family- i love everyone in his family) i went to mexico..(god i hope no one who knows me is reading this…because it would be easy to figure out who it was but all well)… any ways…diving w/ my mom…met a photographer/artist/teacher diver there. nice guy. moms age. so we (who just came by our selves start to hang out out side of diving and exchange pictures on the computers (we had an underwater cam too so we gave him some pics aswell. anyways he says his nephew is comming up. so i meet him the next day on the dive boat. name is brandon. social worker. has ife on track. we dov 4 times together. hung out the4 of us) exchangedmore photos. then 7 of us all go out the senor frogs ( some other divers…my mom and a couple an older man and brandons uncle. they all left early. we dancedgot drunk. i kissed him. we danced harder and closer. left. walked down the streets of cozumel. ( this trip i talked to everyone. was friendly. Im shy and dont talk usually) we made out on a desserted beach. i wanted it so we went to 7-11…talked to some manb watching his tent from theifs …lol…caught a toad…some uge beetles. FUN. something i dont have much of. we went to the beach and had sex. not a quickie… all the f play…kinky guy…and i loved it. so tell me im a whore. ive had sex w/ 4 people now/. a guy b4 my b/f then another. then my b/f. and then brandon. thats it …4. i kno alot who have done more. any ways i have to tell him. how do i do it? he desserves to know. we cant stay together. things will get worst b4 they get better. im going home today and have to face him. Any ADVICE
I want friends. a group of them to do things w/…camp, hike bike. but my bf used to have alot of friends too…now has non…i dont understand…but we are shelterd by the world hideing behind each other… and only having eachother. its not healthy. its not even that i want a different guy…not even brandon. i just want friends and experiences. stories to tell. do i do a letter. ext email…face to face