Dive-Computers.net

Is this a SUMMARY OF YOUR LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER, too?
SUMMARY OF MY LAST YEAR ON THE COMPUTER

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on
Envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope
that Needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same
reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown)
Who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000
That Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in
th eir
Special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out
For me, and St. Theresa’s novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant
Freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water Buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward
An email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove Toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch
the car
So a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
Products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can’t boil a cup of water in the
microwave
Anymore because it will blow up in my face… Disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones or newspaper stands,
because
I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS .

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume Sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al
Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support
our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number
For which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda < /st1:country-region>,
Singapore And Uzbekistan

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their Recipe.

Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big
brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death
when it Bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can’t ever pick up $5.00 in a
parking lot
Because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my Car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas
Companies!

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next
70 Minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
this Afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing
you to Grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually
happened to a
Friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s
Cousin’s’ beautician…

Have a wonderful day….

Oh, by the way…..

A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has
Discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their
e-mail With their hand on the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late

Oh my!!!!!!!!(am I the only one who took the time to read this to the end?)

lol! thats a good one!

lol

LOL XD